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| Jokes!
A man playing on a new golf course got
confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead
of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he
was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a
hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked
her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the
lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th,
you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once
again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the
lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said,
"Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your
help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of
work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in
sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm
a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really
hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at
the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than
a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer
will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it.
It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he
poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started
making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a
brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy
lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to
wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a
try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his
dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off,
he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in
the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the
usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has
worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her
in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking
off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
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